birth and rebirth.

This month I celebrated my 30th birthday.  As a child, I perceived that age as some great milestone of adulthood.  That surely by then, you knew it all and had it all figured out.
Well, I am happy to say that I have reach neither accomplishment and am thankful that I have how ever many more years the Lord allows me to realize just how little I do know and have figured out.
I was born on Friday, November 13 in Baton Rouge, LA and was born via C-section because I was stubbornly breached.  Otherwise, I suppose my birth was healthy and routine, yet miraculous at the same time.  Having a child makes me appreciate a lot about my own birth and infancy....like celebrating my birthday should really be a celebration of all the work my parents did to keep me alive, care for me, and teach me all there is to know...given that is no small task.

Just as though I would not be celebrating a 30th birthday if I was never born, I could not write about a life in Christ if I had never been reborn.  So, I find it an appropriate time to share the story of my rebirth, which I don't think could ever be routine, however it is always miraculous.


I would definitely be what you would describe as a "goody two shoes" kid.  I was a people pleaser to the max and had a very high standard for myself that I did not want to deviate from.  Going to church and believing in God was certainly part of that.
I remembering hearing messages from an early age that Jesus was not only God's son, but our Savior that wanted us to turn our lives over to Him.  This was the part that I didn't like.  The rules, yes.  The giving over of my life, not so much.  I honestly believed that if God had given me intelligence and a will, certainly He would want me to use them and not give them over to Him.  The fear of surrender was enormous, and yet I suppressed the feeling that I should surrender time and time again.  Every time I noticed someone seemingly filled with so much joy in the Lord,  I criticized their over zealous behavior and knew that God surely would  not want us to be so joyous in church, solemn, yes, joyous, no.
By the time I went off to college, I still found going to church and believing in God an important part of my life, but more so, an important part of the standards I had set for myself.  But these no longer seemed to satisfy me.  I had achieved all the things I set out to achieve, but there was still an emptiness there.  So, I decided to try and "let loose" and deviate from my standards of perfection, yet only found more emptiness.
I begun to attend Campus Crusade with some sorority sisters, an acceptable addition to my appearance of "godliness."  Yet, I began come across more and more people that seemed joyous in their relationship with God and put it above all else.
Some of my friends asked me to attend a conference that would be held over New Years of 1999-2000.  I immediately retorted that I would not be in attendance since going out for New Years of the new millenium was a much higher priority to me than going to some Christian conference.  However, as the evening progressed, I felt a sense of urgency and necessity to attend that I can only now contribute to the Holy Spirit. So, I agreed to go.
Upon entering the conference, I was a bit turned off by thousands of joyous college-age Christians worshiping  the Lord.  Could this really be Christianity?  Is this really how God wants us to relate to Him?  So, that began my prayer.  "Lord, if this is really who You are....if this is how you would have me worship You and relate to You, then show me."
Message after message in the book of Romans, my eyes began to be opened to the freedom in Christ, but I was not yet ready to surrender.  On one of the last days of the conference, we were to go out to the inner city and share the Gospel with others.  "Why on earth would I want to do this?", I thought.  "Don't they already know about Jesus?  This isn't some tribe in the middle of nowhere...this is Dallas!"  The speaker began to go through a book of the four spiritual laws were could share to explain the Gospel:

1. God Loves you and created you to know Him personally.

2. People are SINFUL and SEPARATED from God so we cannot know Him personally or experience His love.

3. Jesus Christ is God's only provision for our sin. Through Him alone we can know God personally and experience God's love.

(This one was the kicker)..

4. We must individually RECEIVE Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord; then we can know God personally and experience His love.

There was an image of two thrones.  I saw clearly that all of my attempts at creating peace in my life through living up to my own standards had only caused chaos.  

The unknowns of surrendering were scary, but not as terrifiying as a life with myself in charge.  I wanted the peace that this image had to offer:

Simple line drawings that changed my life forever.  I believe it was December 30, 1999.  I had officialy become reborn....a term I would have cringed at just days before, I know saw as glorious.  Jesus's words had life: 

"Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God." John 3:3


I no longer needed to live up to anyone's standard.  I was free in Christ to live by His grace.  


Just as I am celebrating 30 years since my birth and I feel I have so much more to learn about life on this earth, celebrating 12 years of rebirth only makes me realize how much more I will spend eternity learning all there is to know about the Lord.
Just as I am thankful that my parents chose the call of birthing me into this world, I am thankful that the Lord chose to birth me into His kingdom.  I am supremely thankful that I can take no credit for either.  


Not to us, LORD, not to us 
   but to your name be the glory, 
   because of your love and faithfulness.
Psalm 115:1  

Recipe :: Gluten Free Coconut Flour Pumpkin Muffins

I've been flirting with the Paleo/Primal/Grain-free lifestyles lately.  The recipes look amazing, but are a bit intimidating and require ingredients that I don't normally stock.  I decided to take the plunge and buy some coconut flour and coconut oil from this great website I found: Tropical Traditions.  So, here's the first grain-free muffin recipe I tried.  I found it on this blog: The Almond Flower.  They are so moist and amazingly good!  I did have to cook mine for quite a bit longer than 12-15 minutes though...I would say they went a full 20-25 before getting brown.  I think I'm going to try them without the muffin liners next time...I hate wasting all that deliciousness in the paper!!


Gluten Free Coconut Flour Pumpkin Muffins

1/2 C coconut flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 C pumpkin puree (I used organic canned pumpkin)
5 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 C coconut oil, melted
1/2 C honey
1/2 tsp salt

Preheat the oven to 350
Whisk together the pumpkin puree, eggs, vanilla, honey and cooled, but still liquid, coconut oil.  
Mix the coconut flour, baking soda and salt into the wet ingredients.
Mix well until there are no lumps (one of the downsides of baking with coconut flour).
Using an icecream scoop, scoop even amounts into a lined muffin tin.
Bake 12-15 minutes until the top does not jiggle and is slightly browned.  
Makes 12 muffins

"likes." "follows." and sacrifice.

I was struck today by the evidence of our American give-it-to-me-now lifestyle.  The majority of new construction seems aimed at our convenience ...fast food restaurants, drive-through pharmacies.   I find I get impatient when Facebook doesn't load instantly, but often don't have the time to truly connect to a friend.  Often, my relationship with Christ is like that of a Facebook acquaintance...I subscribe to a feed or two that will give me some scripture or encouragement, I may read the post or even "like" it, but just like all of my other "friends," I rarely take the time to truly interact.

Our culture spoon-feeds just about everything to us for a price, but I am discovering that the things truly worth having require time, patience, and sacrifice.  And though I can assent to, or "like" this idea, as I circumspect my life, the evidence of my "following" is surely lacking.

Many people like the idea of eating nutritiously and exercising, but rarely make definitive strides in following any sort of pattern or plan.  I found this article a great motivator to making a step.  I must confess...until recently, I rarely "cooked" anything that did not come out of a box or bag.  In the last week, I have made muffins from scratch, homemade hummus, four trays of baby food, roasted pumpkin seeds, homemade lasagna, and a roast!  I don't think I used my kitchen that much in the first six years of our marriage combined!  I don't say this to boast in myself, but to highlight the Lord's grace in allowing me to put the time into nutritious  meals for my family when I never thought it possible.  

Most people wish they had more time for relationship with family and friends, but seem to find hours a day for television, chat rooms, message boards, social networking, etc.  I know that in ten years, I will not look back and be remissed over the television I missed or internet surfing I didn't do, but that I didn't spend the time to invest in the lives of those that I love.  Real relationships require vulnerability, forgiveness, and bearing each other's burdens....work.  Work I wish I was doing more.

Now to the most challenging part...Jesus.  

It's easy to "like" Jesus.  I "like" that He forgives me, loves me, and answers my prayers, but do I follow Him?...(and I don't mean "follow" in the sense of subscribing to Jesus Daily...that's not a bad thing, but it hardly encompasses following Him!)

Am I yielding to His Spirit minute by minute or merely assenting that He would probably want something different from my life?  Am I relating to the Heavenly Father as a daughter?  As the bride of Christ?  Am I seeing Him as infinitely beautiful, wise, holy, righteous, loving, magnificent, sovereign....?

Following versus liking must begin with the first step...

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.  Matthew 16:24-25

Whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.  The things worth truly having require time, patience, and sacrifice.  By the power of the Holy Spirit, take the first step...  

If you've already taken the first step, by the power of the Spirit, keep walking.

Keep following.

Gluten freedom.

Why gluten free?

First of all...before I get into the whys on my gluten free diet...I have a major praise report!  If the miraculous conception, pregnancy, and birth of my son were not  enough evidence, I have just acquired more...

In 2007, I was diagnosed with severe osteopenia.  Osteopenia is the precursor to osteoporosis...they are diagnosed according to a bell curve.  A score of 0 is the average bone density of a 30-year-old.  A score of -2.5 or greater is osteoporosis...anything between -1.0 and -2.5 is considered osteopenia.  In 2007, my score was -2.2.  I was 25 years old at the time.

I was devastated by this.  The suggestion from the doctor was to have a baby because I'd have to carry around his/her extra weight all the time.  Nice.  I was seeing him for infertility.  I've definitely had my fair share of insensitive doctor visits.

Flash forward to almost three years gluten free and thousands of ius a day of D3...I am thrilled to report that my score is now -1.5!!  It's still osteopenia, but it's a huge improvement!  One my doctor contributes to my gluten free diet.  

For years and years, I wasn't absorbing nutrients.  So, how did I discover gluten free was the way to go?  Here's my (lengthy), but compelling story as I explained it 2009.  If you know me, you'll know that my mourning turned to gladness a little less than a year later (more on that later!) :: 

The only reason I have any story worth telling is because ten years ago today (12.31.09), the Lord opened my blind eyes and softened my stony heart to accept His glorious Gospel.  What I want to share tonight, I hope will give God the glory for the story He's writing.

My health issues go back about 13 years now.  I would have bouts of horrific pain and gastrointestinal distress, which usually ended with me passing out.  This happened with increasing frequency for the next 6 yrs.  I was told that I had acid reflux, then irritable bowel syndrome, and that I was just stressed out.  I was told to relax and eat a bland diet.

My life became increasingly miserable and I was unsure whether to make any plans because I knew there was a slim chance that I would ever be there.  I had eliminated so many foods from my diet and was scared that if I ate that I would get sick.  My diet consisted of mostly white bread, potatoes, oatmeal, and unseasoned boiled chicken.  I lost a lot of weight in the process and as a ballet dancer and fashion major, my heart started to really like that side effect. 

Then shortly after I started attending Lakeview Christian Center in 2003, there was an altar call after a service.  I had just that week pulled my car over to the side of the road and then passed out.  I was so frustrated with my situation and with God!!  I can't remember what the sermon was even about, but I felt very clearly that the Lord was telling me to start eating whatever I wanted and give up my diet of white bread.

 I actually started to have many more good days than bad ones.  I was able to go through our engagement and wedding without fear that I wouldn't be physically able to be there.  This was huge for me after missing so many important events in college.  Married life was amazing, but I wasn’t able to get pregnant and, even though I was no longer passing out in my car, knew that my health was still putting serious restraints on my life.

Then, in 2006 my mom read an article about Celiac disease.  All of the symptoms fit everything I had been experiencing.  Since the article described the condition as an allergy/intolerance to wheat, I made an appointment with an allergist/immunologist.  Though he told me upfront that he did not test for Celiac, we decided to do allergy testing.  I tested off the charts for almost every food that was a staple of my “bland” diet.  So I was then on a strict diet again and felt a little relief, but still had serious health restraints and still could not get pregnant.

So, by the beginning of 2008, I was still feeling pretty terribly.  Through some friends at church, I found two amazing doctors that I was very hopeful could give me some answers.  They discovered so many issues to treat, it was very overwhelming.  Then one doctor suggested that I get the test for gluten intolerance/Celiac disease that my mom and I had read about a few years back.  I was apprehensive because it was an expensive out-of-pocket test.  I ran it by my other doctor, who couldn’t encourage it enough, so I went ahead with ordering it and shortly received a confirmation email.  This is where the really bizarre part starts. The email following the order confirmation was entitled "Are You Gluten Sensitive? (The Answer Might Surprise You)"...from a newsletter I received on any number of health topics that comes maybe once every three months.  I knew that the Lord was up to something!

Just days later, a friend of a my boss, who happens to be a doctor, suggested bringing me some leftover gumbo that they were cooking, but she said she wasn't so sure what I could and couldn't eat, so he was curious as to why.  Well, after her 30 sec. synopsis of my medical history, his reply was, "Sounds to me like she has Celiac disease."  I was starting to get the hint!  Then, the next night, as I was forming the words to  tell Aaron this story, I was also flipping through the Time Picayune...when, low and behold, in the Money section of the paper there was an article about the influx of gluten free products on the market!!  I was comforted by the fact that the Lord was obviously trying to tell me something, but I was also scared that I would be horribly disappointed and confused if the test came back negative.

I was trying to bide my time until the results came back and had our covenant group pray on Thursday night that my heart would be prepared for what the Lord had.  Well...on Friday night, I was home, not finding much on television and I stopped on a medical drama midway through an episode.  I was only half paying attention, when in the last few minutes of the show, they diagnosed the mother and son patients, one ravaged with stomach cancer and the other deceased, with Celiac disease.  I was shocked and really scared.  Then on Sunday, Pastor Keith had the altar call for all with illness.  I was desperate for the Lord to continue to prepare my heart and light my path to the next step for me.  It was a much needed time for me.

On Tuesday night, January 13, I received the email that the test was positive.  I instantly began the gluten free diet (so much for my all white bread diet when I was so horribly sick!) and have seen improvements already.  As the Lord moved the heavens and earth to make clear this path for me, I desperately hoped that this diagnosis would dramatically change my health and allow us to have a baby.  And as the months of 2009 have gone by, I have easily forgotten the intimate care the Lord showed me. 

I have wrestled with whether He has forgotten me.  I have wrestled through many dark days when I longed for a glimmer of encouragement, only to no longer be able see His face.  I have read Psalm 127: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward,” only to feel cursed.  But, as I take the time to write this testimony of His intricate workings in my life, I can’t help but praise His wonderful name.  He has rescued me, given me a husband far better than I ever deserve, an incredible mother and sister, a miraculous job, and a church family that has far exceeded my all of limited imagination.  He has freed me from the trappings of vainly desiring to be thin, from tremendous pride and begun to humble me.  Though in January of 2009, my hope was in standing here tonight with a rounded belly and a testimony of God’s miraculous healing power in my body,  I instead stand here wrestling to place my hope not in God will do, but in who He is.  In knowing that the ultimate prize in life is not becoming a mother or having perfect health, but in knowing Him. 

-Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever Psalms 73:25-26

-- But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I  have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10 that I may know him and  the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 that by any means possible I may  attain the resurrection from the dead.  12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own  Phil 3:7-12

 So...that's the story of how something as mundane as wheat changed my life.  If you're interested in getting tested, I finally got my diagnosis from Enterolab.  You don't need a doctor to order the test, but I highly recommend working with a doctor to help to recover from the ravages of a gluten-filled diet.  Definitely money well spent.

Revive

The time has come for me to revive my sleepy blog.  I admittedly have been living on a plateau of spiritual Thanksgiving for the last year.  I am perpetually grateful, yet not pressing in, discovering new truths.  So here I am, to encourage myself to speak about the Lord and what He's doing in my life as a lover of beauty, pursuant of health, and follower of Christ.

I plan on writing a devotional every Sunday and randomly sharing information about my journey of health, adventures in parenthood, and all the ways I see the Lord's glory in the mundane.

As always, this is my prayer ::  Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!  Psalm 115:1